icant

I am doing a very bad job keeping up with blogging. I think everytime I go to my moms I get really distracted, not that I am doing anything important. Playing with my brothers, eating, shopping. I had a pretty good week, nothing exciting.

Since my last post I am feeling so much better, I can completely lift my arms :) it really feels great.

& I just decided that I am not in the mood to write. :/

gloomy saturday

So, I just finished reading the first book of The Hunger Games Trilogy. It has taken me a while because I was taking pain medication around the clock before and I haven't needed to do that lately. It was a really easy read. I got up around 8 this morning, and it is now 315, I have been reading since I opened my eyes, besides going to brush my teeth, 2 potty breaks, and a quick break to warm up a few pieces of left over pizza, back to my recliner to read more. I honestly had no idea what the book was about, besides the commercial for the movie "let the hunger games begin!!!" Very good book, made me a little jumpy when my refrigerator makes a noise or a neighbor slams a door. I am excited to go see the movie next week when it comes out.

Last night was the first night I was able to recline in my recliner since Monday night. After that fill on Tuesday the skin in between my foobs is very tight and it was just way to uncomfortable to lay on my back. I feel very rested. I actually drove yesterday, to chipotle and dairy queen, I was craving and tired of depending on others (I've been tired of that since day 1). It wasn't too bad my arms are still pretty stiff, This wasn't the first time, I drove myself to my fill appointment on 3/6 which was really hard. I never realized how many things I take for granted, just little things, like putting my hair up in a pony, washing my back in the shower, shaving under my arms. All of those things are so challenging now. Yes I can lift my arms but only to where my elbow is at a 90 degree angle, who shaves like that? I have been wearing my hair the same since surgery, stretchy headband with a loose ponytail. *shrugs* it works. I can do it myself if I sit on the floor and put my elbows on my knees its not perfect but, it is getting better.

I can get through the day with taking a few motrin, at night I revert to a Valium if the muscle spasms are pretty bad, my plastic surgeon wants me to use the Valium before the percocet, he feels some of my issue is a little anxiety, which I agree.

I was sitting here this morning, my apartment is pretty dark, its gloomy outside, supposed to rain today and tomorrow. I could get up and open my blinds but id rather not, at least not right now. Anyways I was sitting here earlier, feeling my left foob (weird I know) the left one is the weird one with the bulge where you can feel the edge of the expander "poking" out, I was just thinking back at how fast all of this happened, me getting my blood drawn in December, getting results in January, having surgery in February. Now is is march I am 28 days post surgery, feeling pretty good about things, but wondering when will it be over, I have no doubt that I will be happy with my final results, but I feel like now I am playing this waiting game. I knew what I was getting into, these rock hard boobs I will have to deal with till at least sometime in June. I just hope that June decides to make his/her way here quickly!

Anyways, I just wanted to get on to say a little something I guess. I am going to stay in my recliner for the rest of the day, catch up on a few recorded shows, finish up my homework assignment that is due tomorrow (don't think I mentioned before I am in school for my BSN), and possibly start the second book of The Hunger Games. I hope everyone has a Blessed Saturday!

3weeks

So I have been a little busy, I was hoping to post more often, maybe twice a week will try harder this week because I have way too many things to talk about. My last post was after my first fill 9 days ago. Since then I have gone to Vegas to visit family & friends, and had fill #2. So I guess I should start with my Vegas trip.

My mom and sister, and brothers were here with me for the 5 days I was in the hospital, and the 4 days after I got home. I decided that I would be okay being alone for a bit, but would visit soon. Stayed home for a week alone, (it got old) FAST! so last Thursday I went Vegas. My coworker/friend Kelley escorted me through security, she also carried my bag all the way to the gate! gotta love friends like her. I was allowed to board the plane right after the 4 people in wheel chairs, and a guy carried my bag on the plane, I am sure everyone was staring at me like there is nothing wrong with this girl for people to be doing things for her, but I really did not care. Flight wasn't too bad, I slept, I got a little nervous right before landing so I held on to my foobs. Thank you again Kelley, love you!

Still having trouble, sniffling, blowing my nose, laughing, coughing, sneezing, umm walking fast, standing up straight (my posture was bad to start) that may be it. Well my mom really wanted to see the adam sandler movie Jack & Jill, I have no idea why I didnt think about laughing when we rented it but it was a really really really bad idea! LAUGHING HURTS! Its a weird hurt, like a burning on fire hurt. 10 mins into the movie (when they were @ the dinner table) my mom advises me to take 2 percocets, which I hadn't done since I was in the hospital, I ended up attempting to take the pills and spitting water and the pills all over the couch pillow and my pj pants! but, I felt so much better! I was talking non-stop, moving around, it gave me so much energy and I was pretty much pain free. Nice feeling, great movie!

The rest of the weekend nothing big happened, went to lunch, got a mani and a pedi, had krispy kremes (i had been craving a doughnut), oh and I got to see the puppy Breyanna & I share 6 month old 3lb yorkie, his name is Munchie, such a sweet baby. I also played super mario bro's with my younger brothers on the Wii a few times, I wasnt able to play when they were @ my house because I was sleep from the meds after my hospital stay. The weekend went well, ended fast because of my fill appointment tuesday.

3 days after my first fill I stopped taking the percocet and was doing well with just tylenol and motrin, alternating. I like not feeling so sleepy. I went to get filled @ 4pm, Kelley convinced me to premedicate, so I took a percocet. When I got there and got undressed I noticed that the dermabond (super glue for my incision) has peeled from my left nipple, not like the areola part but just the nipple part and it is pink, which isnt "normal" in darker skinned women. Got a little scared, but my plastic surgeon said it is just hypopigmintation, it could change back, but if not it can easily be tattood the correct color. I am not too worried about it. I am healthy blessed, and indeed alive! I find it hard to complain about things after everything that happened after surgery. Just got way off topic back to the appointment. My right side looks perfect, he feels when it is time for the exchange (taking out the tissue expanders and putting in the implants) he will only have to use part of the original incision, and just switch out. The left side had a dent at the bottom, it dips in then is round again... i have no clue how else to explain, but he said he has to fix the bottom to "hike" it up a bit and get rid of that fold. Also on the left there is some scar tissue that will need to be removed close to my armpit. He was only able to put 35cc on the right & 45cc on the left which puts me at 375cc on the right and 385cc on the left. My fills will have to be small and slow because my skin isn't stretching very fast. We will be skipping next tuesdays fill so my next will not be until 3/27.

Ugh tuesday night after my fill was the worst night I have had since I have been home. I slept maybe 3 hours. I got in my recliner and I could not recline in it, my chest was way too tight and I was just not able to do it, so I sat up, I took motrin and a Valium (to relax the muscle & myself). I slept for 2 hours, got up took a percocet, then slept on and off until about 7am. I took a another percocet just because when I am in one spot for too long I get really stiff, and it is hard to move. The rest of the day I was just really sleepy, but I manged to do a few things around the house. I only took motrin today, I am not having much pain, 22 days after surgery, just discomfort. The expanders are just not comfortable at all. I wish I could sleep on my stomach or side or in my bed even, I'm complaining huh? sorry. anyways, I decided I would probably stay off work for 8-12 weeks, originally it was 4-6 but, me being an ICU nurse and my job not being able to compensate "light duty" I think 6 weeks is too early, and next week is already week 4. So who knows, I will just play it by ear. I don't mind being off work.

Well, it is late hopefully I can get sleep tonight. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers. You guys don't even know how blessed I feel. Good night! hope everyone has a great week!

2 weeks!

Tomorrow will be two weeks since my surgery date! time sure is flying when you are having fun sitting on the recliner! ;) I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon Dr Rhee today he is the best, and I love everyone that works in his office! He took out my remaining 2 drains! FINALLY they were really getting on my nerves being pinned to my pants, and not being able to be fully covered by my shirts. So I drove myself to my appointment today, I called to be sure it was okay & as long as I hadn't had any pain meds and I felt I could react quickly enough then it was safe. So I jumped in the shower & headed there, it took a while to get there, I took the streets just to be careful. So I got there & he took my two drains out then told me he was going to "fill me up" I got really nervous, only because I had only taken tylenol and in order to fill my expander (the deflated implant that's in) a needle is stuck through my skin into a port and the saline in injected. At the time of surgery 300cc was put in, and told he put 40cc in each. I feel pretty big, but you have to remember I was only a 32A before surgery. I didn't feel when the needle was pushed in, the nerves in my boobies are all messed up. I can feel some things but most of the time I cant feel anything. After my fill I was planning on stopping at CVS to get my prescription filled for more percocet, but the pain in my arm arm started to get too bad so I just came right home. Had some lunch, took some meds and went down for a nap. gosh that sounds like a 2 year old lol. when I woke up I couldn't move my right arm, I got a little emotional, I'm sure has something to do with a nerve or maybe it just hurts too bad and I know this so I don't want to move it but I really was sad about not being able to move my stupid arm. this is really the first time that I was upset about the surgery. I think I was also upset because I drove myself to my appointment, I admit I didn't try super hard to find a ride, but It is so over whelming to ask ppl for help, to depend on people, I moved to Arizona almost 2 years ago, I packed up my bedroom from my parents house into my little scion and drove here, alone. I am very independent. and to get to a point where I cant drive, cant do laundry, and even put my hair in a pony! its horrible, stressful, kinda embarrassing, I know ppl understand that I cant do things and I have a reason its not that I do not want to I just cant do it! so I am grateful for the help that I do get and I hope my friends don't get offended by me not asking for help or turning down help. i love you guys and am very thankful to have help. my skin is stretching, and it feels so weird. its like peely scaly, I wish you could feel it. its so weird. oh & now that my drains are out I can take a shower whenever I want to! its hard to scrub tho, like my arms are too weak to reach over to the other arm and wash it. originally it was planned I would be off work 4-6 weeks, now talking to a dr at work, and a few others it may be best if I take more time off, maybe 8-12 weeks. I will be so bored but, I would much rather be bored than get an infection, or hurt myself by going back to work too soon! So far everything is looking good, I have no regrets, some pain but i can live with it. I am going to visit my parents and brothers this week, I need a break out of my apartment for a few days. & everyone back home will be able to come visit. the plane ride is only about 45 mins, and I wont take any clothes (cant carry a bag) my mom said she would just buy me a few outfits when I got there. I mostly hang out in yoga pants, sweats, and tank tops. The weather is warming up it was 88 on Sunday indeed flip flop weather :) LOVE IT! OUCH! i just hiccuped and it was not a nice feeling, I also hold back my yawns, sneezes, burps, and laughs as much as possible because those hurt too. Saturday I went to the movies, saw the new Tyler Perry movie good deeds. thank you again nikki for picking me up, treating me, and carrying my popcorn! it was a great outing! well I really don't have much else to say. questions, comments, concerns, please feel free to ask. I am trying my hardest to be an open book :) thoughts and prayers are still so greatly appreciated! Beyond Blessed!

God Got It!

I feel so selfish complaining right now but I have to just for a second. I really hate not being able to drive, I hate depending on others, I hate not being able to get my own shirt on. It all really sucks! As I have said multiple times, I am blessed and I should have no worries! "god got it" -MyLove

Enough of the cry baby complaints. my last few days have been very eventful. I think I last left off on Tuesday, my visit with my PS and got my drains out and all that great stuff. Well Wednesday my mom & brothers left so glad they were here besides the fact that I am used to being in my apartment alone. I had an appointment with my general surgeon, and he agreed that things looked great, and healing is going well. My pathology report was back which is Thea report of breast tissue removed during the surgery is sent to a pathologist. The pathologist is the physician who looks at the tissue under a microscope and determines whether or not the cells contain cancer. So my report was negative for cancer *exhales loudly* but, (there is always a but) it was positive for calcifications. Breast calcifications are small calcium deposits that can be benign (noncancerous) or they can be precancerous. Either way all the tissue is gone now. My general wanted me to go see the pulmonary dr I saw when I was in the ICU because I have still been very out of breath called, made an appointment with him for a few hrs later, felt bad that my coworker Kelley drove me around everywhere, love her! I get there and he wants me to go to the ER UGH! so tired of hospitals, I decided to go to the one I work at (faster service) the moment the ER doc saw my heart rate which was 123's-130's he said he was admitting me! :( I just spent 5 days in the hospital. They wanted to rule out me having a Pulmonary Embolism (PE) which is basically a blood cloth that travels to the lung. I did an EKG, CT Chest Angio, a Chest Xray, and everything was negative! :) so I got to go home. I am trying really hard not to use medical terms and explain them when I do but, it is really hard for me to do.

Overall I am pretty much in a great mood. A little bored out of my mind, that can be fixed by lots of naps, texting, reading others blogs, downloading books on my kindle fire, watching tv, doing homework. lol. I have so many things I could be doing right now and none of them sound good at all I think I am tired but I do not want to go to sleep because I sleep on my side fetal position and right now the only way I can sleep without pain is on my back in the recliner. I guess I will figure something out just wanted to update everyone :) oh & just FYI this is my blog, my spot, and I could care less about my spelling errors or incorrect sentence structure. :) thoughts & prayers!