Hello all, i know it has been so long since i updated my blog. the weeks before my exchange surgery i worked like crazy. the week before surgery i put in 84 hours between both of my jobs, i also worked mon and tues 12 hours shifts before my 630 am check in wednesday at the hospital. busy girl, sorry.
it is all over! i honestly cannot explain to you all how happy i am to be done for the moment praying everything heals well, and no infections it has only been 5 days since my exchange i will start from the day before.
day before exchange-
i didn't have to do any preop labs this time, it hasn't been 4 full months since my PBM and my plastic surgeon felt like i really didn't need them, the hospital called the day before 6/12 to go over when i had to stop eating and told me to shower with dial soap. I got off work around 730pm went to walmart with my mom to get a few groceries and dinner for my brothers. by the time we got home it was about 9pm i still had 2 hours before my food cut off time but me being me i layed on the couch and slept until my alarm went off at 5am, talk about being tired!
exchange day before OR-
up at 5, showered, put on pink hollister leggings and a grey tank top, i wanted to be comfy and i knew from before i could put this tank on from my feet. i got to pre-op and had the same pre-op nurse stephany as i had during my original surgery she remembered me and said she heard about all of my complications after surgery and assured me that dr rhee was not going to let that happen again (i wasn't too worried about it). when it was time for an IV she asked me where she got me last time and it was in my right AC, (fold of the arm) she also remembered that she had to poke me twice :( she went for one in the hand and sure enough she missed so she tried for the same one in the hand just a little higher and got it, i was very happy 3 pokes just wasn't my thing for that morning. after all of that my PS came back and did some drawing on me, and told me that i should plan to wake up with a Jp drain on the left, and possibly on the right. whoo hoo! -_- my mom and brothers came in sat for a while, the anesthesiologist came in to speak with us, mostly my mom because she wasn't happy with the last one that i had. dr rhee stopped by one last time to ask how i felt if when he got in that he put two different size implants in to make them even i didn't care either way. the anesthesia guy came back gave me a med in my IV as well as famotidine, since i take zantac for heartburn daily. then i got wheeled back to the OR, i fell asleep before i got there.
exchange day after OR-
I woke up and asked for the bed pan because i really really had to pee. it took forever to go and at one point the lady told me i really didn't have to go it just left like i did. i honestly think it took so long because i was still falling asleep on and off. i finally went and she said whoa i guess you did have to go, 400cc's :) i told her i had to! lol. the nurse asked if i was having pain and gave me .25ml of dilaudid, then about 15 minutes later another .25ml (my timing maybe off) when i woke up a little more i started poking around at my foobs just to make sure they were soft & squishy! and they are, then i asked the nurse if i had any Jp drains and he said yes one on both sides... bummer! but i had squishy foobs and i was happy, last i asked for my mom so i could get my phone... i am attached to that thing and really needed it! i told the nurse i didn't want any more dilaudid so he gave me some graham crackers and 2 percocet, it was so hard eating the crackers my mouth was very dry. my mom came back to see me for a second, i got my cell then i was told when i was ready the nurse would help me get dressed, me being me after she told me not to stand up i did it anyways because i didn't need help putting on my tank as long as i did it from the bottom, she yelled at me when she came in and saw me standing... oops. i got in the wheel chair and my leg wouldn't stop shaking, it was shaking hard they asked if i was cold and i wasn't, they gave me a blanket anyways it it stopped, before leaving dr rhee came to see me and told me to call his office everyday with my drain output and he maybe able to take them out before the weekend! that brightened my day.. 100+ degree weather in Arizona, how was i supposed to hide 1 drains in a tank top? lol. we stopped at Jamba juice, and the grocery store, my brothers and i stayed in the car while my mom went in. I wanted some watermelon. it took her forever, and one of my bothers spilled his entire smoothie on my back seat! and i was not in pain and turned around to help clean it up crazy how good i felt right after surgery. got home around 1230pm, only about 6 hours later so much better than my extended 5 day hospital stay in february. the rest of the day i sat in my recliner, had my mom make some tuna but i couldn't eat it my mouth was too dry and for some reason i was horribly nauseous. everytime i took a sip of anything i thought i was going to vomit. i decided it was safe to not have anything else for a while. i txtd for a while, updated and responded to FB messages and watched tv. my 2 coworkers said they would stop by after work i was pretty excited. visitors already. i got a phone call around 7ish and i spent about 30 mins on the phone when i got off my mom was asking me questions and i ignored her because i really felt like i was going to throw up.. i got up as quickly as possible from my recliner got in the bathroom and threw up everything i had put in my stomach during the day. talk about a horrible feeling. Justine and Tara K came over, we talked for a while on the couch, when they left i took a percocet, and went to bed. so after surgery i had half a mg of dilaudid, and 3 percocets. what a great day!
day after exchange-
thursday, i woke up, not feeling much pain at all except when i move around, sitting still i do not feel like i had surgery 24 hours ago. i had breakfast didn't feel like i needed to vomit anymore, i took a percocet because i didn't want to get uncomfortable. then around 11 my brothers were ready to go out to the pool, the high thurs was 104 i wanted to scream but they hadn't had a chance to show off their swimming skills so i agreed to go down and sit under the cabana, it was hot and after getting tired of watching them i put in my earphones, turned on adele, and fell asleep for about an hour (sweating) lol. back inside i had lunch, took a nap. stayed home the rest of the day. in the 24 hrs since surgery my left jp had 40cc out, the right had 20, my ps office told me to call and report to them tomorrow. took a percocet before bed.
friday 6/15-
feeling great! pain is very minimal, i honestly don't know if i feel like i had surgery 2 days ago. went to my ps around 1 this afternoon and he took both drains out! YAY! i took a percocet about an hr before because i already knew what to expect if he did pull them. i have to continue to wear the sports bra even tho it's killing me.
saturday 6/16-
shopping day with my mom the boys & my sister. no pain at all... i only got a a pair of TOMS i love them striped and super cute! oh and i drove for the first time. it was nothing like the first time with expanders. this surgery honestly wasn't nearly as bad at the first. :)
the rest of the weekend was great nothing special my mom sister and the boys all went home on sunday.
wednesday 6/20-
1 week later! so most of this week i went out shopping, and went to lunch mon tues and today. i really feel regular. i could probably go back to work if i didn't have to lift/turn patients and be perfectly okay. my job doesn't accept light duty so home is where i stay :) saw my ps yesterday he is very pleased with the way that i look, he says i may be a little swollen, he asked if i was okay with my size or if i wanted to go bigger, i like the size i am. i think he is used to women coming in for augmentation and wanting to be as big as they can get. i am content with the size i am, i wish i could share what size i was but i am still wearing this tight surgical/sports bra it sure is a killer! hopefully next week i can take it off. he took off the dermabond (glue) and took out the stitch that was on both sides, then redid the dermabond. it smells really weird to me. i cant wait until it starts falling off and i can go swimming. i am still not allowed to sleep on my stomach :( i was sleeping on my stomach the last 3 weeks i had my expanders. he says another 3 weeks. he also said he doesn't want me going all out just because i feel good. i am still healing on the inside. i have had a little pain, mostly it is just a sharp shooting pain randomly, it makes me grab my foob, a little awkward when i am out or around ppl but oh well!
i am glad it is all over, well at least this part, and i pray that i do not need to have another surgery or get an infection. i will try to post more often as my healing is continued. my foobs are very squishy, i honestly don't know if they feel much different than my old ones did. but i am not sure because it has been almost 4 months since my boobs went away. I am completely happy about my choice, and i havn't had any days where i have been depressed or sad about having my fake boobs. they are great and they are healthy and that is all that matters!
i made my title because surgery was a piece of cake, and i have really been craving cake :)
i really thank everyone for all of the support i have gotten!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Keeping Busy...
The hardest thing about having a scheduled surgery weeks out is keeping busy. these past 7 weeks since scheduling have gone by oh so slow. i think my last post i was talking about going to vegas for the drake concert and mothers day. my sister and i went and had a great time, we ended up doing 2 mothers day dinners one on saturday and another on sunday. fun times.
today marks exactly 2 weeks till surgery day. yesterday i had my last appointment with my plastic surgeon before surgery he will be out of town next week, coming back june 12th just in time for my june 13th 730am surgery. i am getting extremely excited, not nervous at all. he said that he really likes the shape of my right foob, (not sure if i mentioned b4 but we have changed the name from boob to foob due to the fact that they are now 100% Fake) lol. anyways the shape of my right is perfect slopes down pretty natural nipple looks amazing, he will not have to do any altering on it. the left foob is a different story... its always been my "problem foob" it sticks out on the side towards my armpit a little too much it looks like hmm can't explain it, it just goes out to the side a little more so he will release some scar tissue on that side, and also the top of this one doesn't exactly slope nicely, it goes down like from my collar bone, then it has a little divet/dip then it slopes, he asked me to remind him right before surgery so he could take a look at it. having a drain depends on how much he has to do to the left side, he says i will not need one on the right, i am so praying that i do not need one on the left. drain free is the way to be! lol
getting dressed yesterday before my appointment i got a little upset, my scars look so nice right now, like really nice, and in 2 weeks they are going to look bad again with scabs and dermabond on them. I know its not the end of the world its just they are so great right now.
i have been sleeping on my stomach often, i heard that most cant sleep on their stomachs with the expander's, they are a bit "heavy" sometimes. about a week or 2 ago i was doing some kind of touchy feely thing with them and realized that i can pinch my skin now, before the skin was too tight to even move around but now i can pinch and push over the skin, its pretty cool... kinda weird tho lol. the things we become fascinated with.
i have been keeping myself busy with work, doing full time at the hospital and part time with my pediatric homecare client. it has been going great besides the aftermath of a tornado in my apartment, my next off day will be june 10th, i work the 11th & 12th, so the 10th will be my clean up everything and get ready for mom to come :) hopefully it works out smoothly.
Blessed, & just really happy that i am almost done. thank you everyone for the support :)
today marks exactly 2 weeks till surgery day. yesterday i had my last appointment with my plastic surgeon before surgery he will be out of town next week, coming back june 12th just in time for my june 13th 730am surgery. i am getting extremely excited, not nervous at all. he said that he really likes the shape of my right foob, (not sure if i mentioned b4 but we have changed the name from boob to foob due to the fact that they are now 100% Fake) lol. anyways the shape of my right is perfect slopes down pretty natural nipple looks amazing, he will not have to do any altering on it. the left foob is a different story... its always been my "problem foob" it sticks out on the side towards my armpit a little too much it looks like hmm can't explain it, it just goes out to the side a little more so he will release some scar tissue on that side, and also the top of this one doesn't exactly slope nicely, it goes down like from my collar bone, then it has a little divet/dip then it slopes, he asked me to remind him right before surgery so he could take a look at it. having a drain depends on how much he has to do to the left side, he says i will not need one on the right, i am so praying that i do not need one on the left. drain free is the way to be! lol
getting dressed yesterday before my appointment i got a little upset, my scars look so nice right now, like really nice, and in 2 weeks they are going to look bad again with scabs and dermabond on them. I know its not the end of the world its just they are so great right now.
i have been sleeping on my stomach often, i heard that most cant sleep on their stomachs with the expander's, they are a bit "heavy" sometimes. about a week or 2 ago i was doing some kind of touchy feely thing with them and realized that i can pinch my skin now, before the skin was too tight to even move around but now i can pinch and push over the skin, its pretty cool... kinda weird tho lol. the things we become fascinated with.
i have been keeping myself busy with work, doing full time at the hospital and part time with my pediatric homecare client. it has been going great besides the aftermath of a tornado in my apartment, my next off day will be june 10th, i work the 11th & 12th, so the 10th will be my clean up everything and get ready for mom to come :) hopefully it works out smoothly.
Blessed, & just really happy that i am almost done. thank you everyone for the support :)
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
counting down
i feel like it is taking a very long time for these 7 weeks to go by, it has been 2 weeks since i got my surgery date. i have been keeping myself busy by working as much as possible. 5 weeks till exchange! i have not had much pain these last few days, every once in a while at work i get a sharp or shooting pain. i have not been taking the pain medication during the day, sometimes on the night before i have to work i will take one to make sure i get enough rest, being at work for 12+ hours is still very hard after a MAJOR surgery. also the past few days i have had lots of itchiness, of course when i scratch it doesnt feel like i am doing a damn thing for it. before i thought that i had some sensation when i would touch i could feel it but i used a qtip to test and i was wrong, none... i think i read or heard that itching is good? itching doesn't feel good at all. its like that spot that never stops itching.. i am not sure. it isnt a big deal to me. i am honestly just ready to have this all behind me.
i was thinking that maybe i should have had my surgery in the winter time so that i could cover up my expanders with many layers, they do not look bad at all its just here in arizona early may we have already had many 90+ degree days. my right foob sits up higher than my left, so if i wear shirts that have spaghetti straps they just look really uneven. i guess i don't really care except i am going home (vegas) to a concert on friday night and i have no idea what to wear.
speaking of the concert... i am going with my sister. i meantioned her in my very first blog, but nothing since, and she has been begging to be featured in my blog this is for you sister! my sister Danielle is 20, she lives in northern arizona and she had her last final in her sophmore year of college today! very proud of you sister. we are a little over 4 years apart and when we were younger we did not get along very well, since we have gotten older, moved out of our parents house. she moved out in aug 2010 & i moved out sept 2010. we talk a few times a week if not more. she has not been tested for the BRCA2 gene mutation yet, but she says that she will at some point. she says she isn't going to do it while she is away at school because she doesn't want to be sad at school if she is positive... hopefully she doesn't wait too long i am sure we will talk about it again soon, maybe after i have my exchange. she is build different than i am, i meantioned that i was a very flat small super small 32A, my sister on the other hand is a big D or DD lol. i am sure she would go smaller if she went for the PBM... enough of the sister talk i hope you are happy sister!
back to the concert, i am driving to her apartment on friday, which is 2 hours away then we are driving home to our parents house 4 hours from her place, we will have all day to find something to wear and get to the concert that starts at 7pm, we are going to see Drake and a number of other "rappers" hoping for an amazing time. i just hope i find something to wear and possibly have a chance to take a nap at some point between getting to vegas shopping and the concert. if not i guess i will live i will be too excited to complain!
well, i really dont have anything more to say, i have to get up early to take the puppy to get neutered before he goes back to live with his other mother until after my exchange surgery, i will miss the little monster but it will only be for about 2 months, shared custody is pretty nice it would probably be a little easier if we lived in the same state... i am honestly hoping to find a job in vegas soon so i can be closer to a few very important people in my life. i guess i had a little more to say. :)
thank you to everyone who txts, calls, emails, facebooks me. bre, kimmie, kelley, stephy, jill, justine, lex, tara d. tara k there are so many. i appreciate everyone, also a special thanks to Christie she is a BRCA sister who found my blog, she had the same surgery exactly one week after me, it has been amazing to speak to someone who is going through the exact same thing at the same time! you are amazing christie and it is great to have someone to talk about things with, i feel everything you are feeling thank you for writing that first email!
good night, i hope everyone has a great week!
i was thinking that maybe i should have had my surgery in the winter time so that i could cover up my expanders with many layers, they do not look bad at all its just here in arizona early may we have already had many 90+ degree days. my right foob sits up higher than my left, so if i wear shirts that have spaghetti straps they just look really uneven. i guess i don't really care except i am going home (vegas) to a concert on friday night and i have no idea what to wear.
speaking of the concert... i am going with my sister. i meantioned her in my very first blog, but nothing since, and she has been begging to be featured in my blog this is for you sister! my sister Danielle is 20, she lives in northern arizona and she had her last final in her sophmore year of college today! very proud of you sister. we are a little over 4 years apart and when we were younger we did not get along very well, since we have gotten older, moved out of our parents house. she moved out in aug 2010 & i moved out sept 2010. we talk a few times a week if not more. she has not been tested for the BRCA2 gene mutation yet, but she says that she will at some point. she says she isn't going to do it while she is away at school because she doesn't want to be sad at school if she is positive... hopefully she doesn't wait too long i am sure we will talk about it again soon, maybe after i have my exchange. she is build different than i am, i meantioned that i was a very flat small super small 32A, my sister on the other hand is a big D or DD lol. i am sure she would go smaller if she went for the PBM... enough of the sister talk i hope you are happy sister!
back to the concert, i am driving to her apartment on friday, which is 2 hours away then we are driving home to our parents house 4 hours from her place, we will have all day to find something to wear and get to the concert that starts at 7pm, we are going to see Drake and a number of other "rappers" hoping for an amazing time. i just hope i find something to wear and possibly have a chance to take a nap at some point between getting to vegas shopping and the concert. if not i guess i will live i will be too excited to complain!
well, i really dont have anything more to say, i have to get up early to take the puppy to get neutered before he goes back to live with his other mother until after my exchange surgery, i will miss the little monster but it will only be for about 2 months, shared custody is pretty nice it would probably be a little easier if we lived in the same state... i am honestly hoping to find a job in vegas soon so i can be closer to a few very important people in my life. i guess i had a little more to say. :)
thank you to everyone who txts, calls, emails, facebooks me. bre, kimmie, kelley, stephy, jill, justine, lex, tara d. tara k there are so many. i appreciate everyone, also a special thanks to Christie she is a BRCA sister who found my blog, she had the same surgery exactly one week after me, it has been amazing to speak to someone who is going through the exact same thing at the same time! you are amazing christie and it is great to have someone to talk about things with, i feel everything you are feeling thank you for writing that first email!
good night, i hope everyone has a great week!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
june 13th
it is so official! exchange surgery date June 13th! i am so excited, 7 weeks from today!
my exchange surgery will hopefully be my final surgery unless revisions are needed later on to fix any problems. my plastic surgeon will use part of the incision from before on both sides, take out the expanders (skin stretchers) and put in my implants. i have heard this surgery is way easier than my first one. i just pray that everyone is right!
yesterday i had my final "fill" i now have 510cc on the right and 525cc on the left. he says the small cc difference wont make a difference. so now i just wait... i really hope the time flys by. my right side hurts really bad right now, i didnt sleep last night. lucky i switched days at work, i was scheduled for today and ended up changing it to tomorrow, i also work friday. 12 hour shifts really sucks after not working for 7 weeks and being in pain. it wasnt too bad last week, i just feel myself getting really stiff after a few hours and i start walking weird. i alternate motrin and tylenol during the day when i am working, they help but, being on my feet often still makes it difficult.
on a 1-10 pain scale i am at about a 10 on my right side. it was filled with 60cc yesterday & when i was attempting to sleep last night i pushed myself up with my right arm and that may have affected it as well :( my left side was only filled with 30, i honestly do not think i am having any pain on that side right now. i am hoping that next week the pain wont be as bad.
I am gonna eat, and take meds and try to get a nap in.
my exchange surgery will hopefully be my final surgery unless revisions are needed later on to fix any problems. my plastic surgeon will use part of the incision from before on both sides, take out the expanders (skin stretchers) and put in my implants. i have heard this surgery is way easier than my first one. i just pray that everyone is right!
yesterday i had my final "fill" i now have 510cc on the right and 525cc on the left. he says the small cc difference wont make a difference. so now i just wait... i really hope the time flys by. my right side hurts really bad right now, i didnt sleep last night. lucky i switched days at work, i was scheduled for today and ended up changing it to tomorrow, i also work friday. 12 hour shifts really sucks after not working for 7 weeks and being in pain. it wasnt too bad last week, i just feel myself getting really stiff after a few hours and i start walking weird. i alternate motrin and tylenol during the day when i am working, they help but, being on my feet often still makes it difficult.
on a 1-10 pain scale i am at about a 10 on my right side. it was filled with 60cc yesterday & when i was attempting to sleep last night i pushed myself up with my right arm and that may have affected it as well :( my left side was only filled with 30, i honestly do not think i am having any pain on that side right now. i am hoping that next week the pain wont be as bad.
I am gonna eat, and take meds and try to get a nap in.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
LOVE ME !!!
i got this shirt from Kolhs a few weeks ago, it says "love me" on the front in huge letters! when i saw it i knew i needed it. just another positive thing in my life :) i recently got 4 new shirts v-necks, i am very comfortable in them, they look good with the size of my foobs. all of my tops and summer dresses are too small. i also cannot fit my two piece anymore, well the top lol.
this past tuesday i saw my PS to get filled. i am now 495cc on the left and 450cc on the right. i told him that i was pretty happy with the size, he had me stand in the mirror to point out a few things that he will "revise" during my exchange surgery. he also said if i stopped filling now then i may loose about a cup size, i decided to have one more fill which will be on the 24th, then i will be able to schedule my exchange. i am so happy. i feel like it is getting close even though i know i have about 7-10 weeks depending on when they can get me in. these expanders are becoming very annoying, they have always been annoying but it is getting worse. i am still very happy with my choice!
today is day 52 post surgery! seems like it has been longer. friday was my first day back at work i was really nervous, i have been pretty lazy since surgery to say the least. i was excited to see my co workers. they were amazingly helpful to me, i didn't need much help but when i did i asked i didn't want to over do it. 12 hour shifts are hard, especially after not having to be anywhere at a specific time, besides the airport & dr appointments. even though i would love to stay home longer i am glad to be back to work. oh just remembered... when I was getting dressed for work i could not put on my scrub top, i wear grey's anatomy scrubs and they are a little fitted under the boob area, which makes it hard to get on without lots of wiggling. i decided to just wear my long sleeve shirt and get help from my coworker Kelley when i got to work. it took us a couple of different tries but i got it on. thank you Kelley you are indeed a lifesaver, especially since you wore the same color as me yesterday (finally). i was so happy to get off work and get to bed that i did not think about the fact that i would have trouble taking the damn shirt off. i get home, walk the dog and spend and hour, a full hour trying to take the shirt off. i was almost in tears, being stuck is no fun. my mom advised me to just cut it off but i really could not bring myself to doing it. i ended up taking a break and trying one last time & got it off. i will make sure i ask for help before leaving work. its not that they are too small, if you have ever worn scrubs you know you have to arrange your arms a certain way, i don't know it's very hard to explain.
just wanted to update you all!!! happy saturday night!!!
this past tuesday i saw my PS to get filled. i am now 495cc on the left and 450cc on the right. i told him that i was pretty happy with the size, he had me stand in the mirror to point out a few things that he will "revise" during my exchange surgery. he also said if i stopped filling now then i may loose about a cup size, i decided to have one more fill which will be on the 24th, then i will be able to schedule my exchange. i am so happy. i feel like it is getting close even though i know i have about 7-10 weeks depending on when they can get me in. these expanders are becoming very annoying, they have always been annoying but it is getting worse. i am still very happy with my choice!
today is day 52 post surgery! seems like it has been longer. friday was my first day back at work i was really nervous, i have been pretty lazy since surgery to say the least. i was excited to see my co workers. they were amazingly helpful to me, i didn't need much help but when i did i asked i didn't want to over do it. 12 hour shifts are hard, especially after not having to be anywhere at a specific time, besides the airport & dr appointments. even though i would love to stay home longer i am glad to be back to work. oh just remembered... when I was getting dressed for work i could not put on my scrub top, i wear grey's anatomy scrubs and they are a little fitted under the boob area, which makes it hard to get on without lots of wiggling. i decided to just wear my long sleeve shirt and get help from my coworker Kelley when i got to work. it took us a couple of different tries but i got it on. thank you Kelley you are indeed a lifesaver, especially since you wore the same color as me yesterday (finally). i was so happy to get off work and get to bed that i did not think about the fact that i would have trouble taking the damn shirt off. i get home, walk the dog and spend and hour, a full hour trying to take the shirt off. i was almost in tears, being stuck is no fun. my mom advised me to just cut it off but i really could not bring myself to doing it. i ended up taking a break and trying one last time & got it off. i will make sure i ask for help before leaving work. its not that they are too small, if you have ever worn scrubs you know you have to arrange your arms a certain way, i don't know it's very hard to explain.
just wanted to update you all!!! happy saturday night!!!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
blessed opportunist
opportunist- one who takes advantage of any opportunity to achieve an end, often with no regard for principles or consequences.
so i was looking at the FORCE (facing our risk of cancer empowered) message boards, (ill get back to what FORCE is in another post. but anyways i was looking at them and ran across a post of someone speaking of psychological issues with BRCA diagnosis kinda... a responder spoke about how she took her BRCA positive diagnosis as a blessing or an opportunity to do something. i started thinking after reading this post and i feel the exact same way.
i took my BRCA status and did something about it. i wasn't forced to get rid of my boobs and get foobs. i had the choice. i wasn't waiting around to find a lump, get diagnosed with breast cancer and be forced to have a mastectomy. we all make choices, for ourselves, for our families, for our friends, i had a choice and i did what i felt was best for myself as well as my future.
so as you guys know i do not have kids, but i have always wanted them, always! after i found out my BRCA status i was kinda blAh about the entire having a baby situation mostly because i know i can pass this gene on 50/50 chance, and also because i will not be able to breastfeed :( being a nurse it was always something i knew or looked forward to. i have read post about individuals that avoid passing it on by going through a dr sorting out eggs, and what not. but i don't think i would wanna do that, if i didn't have the gene i wouldn't have had this opportunity. i am no where close to saying i hope i pass the gene on to my future kid(s) i am just saying that if there is a chance, i would like them to have the same opportunity as i did. to be able to choose. if i was not BRCA2+ i would have had a 7% chance of getting breast cancer just like everyone else in the world. and have no choice for real prevention. i have decided i want to have a baby, hopefully before i turn 30 :)
when i think back at my myself before my surgery my outlook on things has changed. not saying i was a big old negative nancy, i am just more positive. after surgery i stopped breathing my ass almost didn't make it lol, i know it's not funny but i am here i am so grateful to be here, yes it was all my choice to have surgery and if i didn't have the surgery it wouldn't have happened but, i could have also got hit by a car or died from a car accident. i just pray that my outlook continues to be positive, life is so short and there are only so many things we can try to avoid. right now being positive is all i can really be, i don't have time to be sad or worried about what others think about my FOOBS, they are mine and i am thankful to have the opportunity to decrease my chances of getting diagnosed with breast cancer.
so i was looking at the FORCE (facing our risk of cancer empowered) message boards, (ill get back to what FORCE is in another post. but anyways i was looking at them and ran across a post of someone speaking of psychological issues with BRCA diagnosis kinda... a responder spoke about how she took her BRCA positive diagnosis as a blessing or an opportunity to do something. i started thinking after reading this post and i feel the exact same way.
i took my BRCA status and did something about it. i wasn't forced to get rid of my boobs and get foobs. i had the choice. i wasn't waiting around to find a lump, get diagnosed with breast cancer and be forced to have a mastectomy. we all make choices, for ourselves, for our families, for our friends, i had a choice and i did what i felt was best for myself as well as my future.
so as you guys know i do not have kids, but i have always wanted them, always! after i found out my BRCA status i was kinda blAh about the entire having a baby situation mostly because i know i can pass this gene on 50/50 chance, and also because i will not be able to breastfeed :( being a nurse it was always something i knew or looked forward to. i have read post about individuals that avoid passing it on by going through a dr sorting out eggs, and what not. but i don't think i would wanna do that, if i didn't have the gene i wouldn't have had this opportunity. i am no where close to saying i hope i pass the gene on to my future kid(s) i am just saying that if there is a chance, i would like them to have the same opportunity as i did. to be able to choose. if i was not BRCA2+ i would have had a 7% chance of getting breast cancer just like everyone else in the world. and have no choice for real prevention. i have decided i want to have a baby, hopefully before i turn 30 :)
when i think back at my myself before my surgery my outlook on things has changed. not saying i was a big old negative nancy, i am just more positive. after surgery i stopped breathing my ass almost didn't make it lol, i know it's not funny but i am here i am so grateful to be here, yes it was all my choice to have surgery and if i didn't have the surgery it wouldn't have happened but, i could have also got hit by a car or died from a car accident. i just pray that my outlook continues to be positive, life is so short and there are only so many things we can try to avoid. right now being positive is all i can really be, i don't have time to be sad or worried about what others think about my FOOBS, they are mine and i am thankful to have the opportunity to decrease my chances of getting diagnosed with breast cancer.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
just a few things
i know it has been a while since i posted something worth anything. i don't even have a real reason, it's not like i have been busy.
i guess i will do a quick update...
i went to the my plastic surgeon 3/27 when he first took a look he decided the right side was too tight so he wouldn't fill it. i was filled with 50cc on my left side, he then took of the remaining dermabond, which is the "glue" that was holding the incision together the left side looked great but, on the right there is a 1/2 inch section that is not all the way healed. it looks a little "raw" like my scab came off early. i was instructed to put antibiotic ointment on twice a day and cover it... no big deal, i've seen way worse open things at work lol. leaving i had 435cc on the left and 375cc on the right, talk about lop sided, it wasnt too bad because previously the right sat up a little closer to my collar bone and now the left does as well, so it was okay.
i went back in today 4/3 and he said that it looks way better, i couldnt tell because i have looked at it 14+ times in the past 7 days lol. he put 25cc in the right and asked if i wanted to wait to put more in the left so we can catch up a little. of course i happily agreed! so as of today i have 435cc on the left and 400cc on the right. not too bad!
the plan is to reach 500cc-535cc then 6 weeks after i get to that amount i will go back in for a second surgery to take my hard expanders out, and put in my new squishy gummy bear silicone implants! I CANNOT WAIT! lol. hopefully the surgery goes well, and i don't stop breathing and none of that other bad stuff happens. ;) hoping for june, but it is looking more like july. oh well! i am way beyond blessed.
tomorrow is 6 weeks post-op. time sure has flown by, especially seeing that i have just been sitting around. i was told last week that i could possible go back to work it is up to me. i am not sure i am ready to go. no scratch that i am ready to go back to work because i am bored i am not ready to spend 12 hour days with other people it has been so nice to have so much time to myself and do tons of nothing! i am considering going back to work next week, i still have not fully decided. i know i will have some help but, with others having their own patients i don't want to be stuck where i am waiting for someone elses help i guess we will just see. if i don't go back next week it will probably be the week after. or maybe the week after that lol.
well i think i am going to head to bed... just wanted to update since i have dragged it out for so long.
[a positive attitude brings strength, energy and initiative.]
i guess i will do a quick update...
i went to the my plastic surgeon 3/27 when he first took a look he decided the right side was too tight so he wouldn't fill it. i was filled with 50cc on my left side, he then took of the remaining dermabond, which is the "glue" that was holding the incision together the left side looked great but, on the right there is a 1/2 inch section that is not all the way healed. it looks a little "raw" like my scab came off early. i was instructed to put antibiotic ointment on twice a day and cover it... no big deal, i've seen way worse open things at work lol. leaving i had 435cc on the left and 375cc on the right, talk about lop sided, it wasnt too bad because previously the right sat up a little closer to my collar bone and now the left does as well, so it was okay.
i went back in today 4/3 and he said that it looks way better, i couldnt tell because i have looked at it 14+ times in the past 7 days lol. he put 25cc in the right and asked if i wanted to wait to put more in the left so we can catch up a little. of course i happily agreed! so as of today i have 435cc on the left and 400cc on the right. not too bad!
the plan is to reach 500cc-535cc then 6 weeks after i get to that amount i will go back in for a second surgery to take my hard expanders out, and put in my new squishy gummy bear silicone implants! I CANNOT WAIT! lol. hopefully the surgery goes well, and i don't stop breathing and none of that other bad stuff happens. ;) hoping for june, but it is looking more like july. oh well! i am way beyond blessed.
tomorrow is 6 weeks post-op. time sure has flown by, especially seeing that i have just been sitting around. i was told last week that i could possible go back to work it is up to me. i am not sure i am ready to go. no scratch that i am ready to go back to work because i am bored i am not ready to spend 12 hour days with other people it has been so nice to have so much time to myself and do tons of nothing! i am considering going back to work next week, i still have not fully decided. i know i will have some help but, with others having their own patients i don't want to be stuck where i am waiting for someone elses help i guess we will just see. if i don't go back next week it will probably be the week after. or maybe the week after that lol.
well i think i am going to head to bed... just wanted to update since i have dragged it out for so long.
[a positive attitude brings strength, energy and initiative.]
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